(bare with me i am typing an onscreen keyboard)someone once told me the reason they didnt want to be with me was because I was used, and by havng sex once made me so.this was about 3 months ago when I read that it took me back to a time when I was young and still battling with my night terrors ,trying to understand why I was witnessing such horrible things. I was 8 years old and afraid to touch or be touched because in some way I felt so dirty,and if I came in contact with others this darkness,this curse that had plagued my dreams would infect others.the amount of isolation this imposed was overwhelming. I felt so dirty that no amount of washing could cleanse me. A bubbling tar that writhed over me,marring my very essence. It set the pace for most of my life, a thought that haunted me “how could anyone ever love something as filthy as me, as tainted as me”. Even to this day I have had 34 lovers. But nothing of love,not even a glimmer that only lasted a month or year. just really good fucking . so yea I do feel used, even before I had ever known anothers warmth…..I even would go so far as to say my night terrors defiled me. the vividness of a lucid dream can be so real sometimes. Imagine right now a horror from hell wrecking your house and killing the ones you love in front of you or takng control of them so they kill you and maybe sometimes you are paralyzed forced to wait for the inevitable… then you have but a drop in an ocean of what I have known since the age of 6. thank god I learned to control my dreams through the years. if there is something I owe to my night terrors it is making me sensitive and aware enough in my dreams to realize I am dreaming and take control. It allowed me to find light in the pitch black and the courage to face my fears head on
Thanks for sticking with me even though I dont post much…. you guys are awesome. some of my recent work…. for some reason when I take vicodin I draw really good. I also have to inform you, that before the the happy taco on upper left of the first one. I have never ever drawn anything. mainly stick figures in box castles. I drew all these on my very first time following tutorials on youtube.
forced to abandon this one cause in the left eye there is a tear in the paper.
landscape that is far from finished, ( I started it and had to leave off)
scroll down for awesome videos . Doesn’t take a rocket genius to get what this page is about. a…
my page for the best stuff of the net. I do massive updates all the time. I have only had my page for 2 weeks or so and already have almost over 400 pics in total. I post videos all the time on my wall. I put stuff up for everyone
I named my bo staff Dio. Dancing with Dio